The Affair
by Cutebabe79
Summary: A CJ three part mini-fic. Charlie and Joey have a secret...they're not the perfect couple they appear to be...
1. Chapter 1

**"The Affair"****  
**  
Hi CJers!

This is a brand new mini-fic I came up with a couple of weeks ago as a very new spin on the CJ relationship. It's only going to be 3 chapters long. This is just a small prologue of where CJ's lives have taken them to a place nobody expected them to. The next 2 chapters will be much longer and set from Charlie's POV then Joey's POV of how they got here and if they can change the way their lives have turned out.

I'm still finishing off the rest of the fic and I haven't decided exactly how the mini-fic is gonna end. It could be a bittersweet ending or an open-ended ending for you to decide where CJ's future relationship lies yourself but I'd like to hear what you think of the concept of this fic.

Don't expect the dramatics of my other fics here. This is a very different story that is emotional and bittersweet. So I hope you enjoy this different style of writing from me.

'The Affair' is a tragic tale between two soul mates - Can a love affair that's not meant to be end up lasting forever?

**Chapter One**

_September - 2019_

_Charlie's POV_

_The sun rises slowly outside as I take a moment to catch my breath. I stare outside the window for a minute before my attention is brought back to the body that's curled around me. And I wonder how long this can last..._

_I have the most amazing and beautiful woman curled up against me - Joey Collins._

_Joey is like perfection. She always has been since the moment that I first met her...the moment I fell in love with her._

_I remember it clear as day like it was yesterday._

_But a lot has changed since then...Joey's not mine and she never will be._

_When we're lying here in each another's arms after making love to one another so passionately...I feel like she's mine._

_Then I remember...we don't belong with one another...we're not together because we belong to other people._

_Yet here we are in this hotel room bed lying naked amongst the sheets just like we always are...year after year..._

_My name's Charlie Buckton...and I'm having an affair...with my soul mate..._

_

* * *

_

Eight years into the future and CJ haven't gotten a 'Happily Ever After' - instead their having an affair with one another that has changed their lives.

How did they get here?

Why aren't they in a relationship with one another?

Do they still love each other?

And how can their future be with one another if they're betraying the people who love them to spend a night in each other's arms?

Hope you're looking forward to a few of those questions being answered in the next chapter which is from Charlie's POV.

xox

Cutebabe


	2. Chapter 2

**"The Affair"**

Thank you so much to everyone out there who reviewed the first chapter. I was definitely very nervous about posting this story because of how different it is to all other stories on here but you guys sure made me feel a lot better about it so thanks!

A few quick comments:

Born2Try - No! No screaming at me to continue 'cause then I'll give in and want the fic to continue and I'm not sure I have the time...so promise me you won't scream at me to continue...please!

Lil - Aww I've definitely missed all your reviews on my other fics! I hope you'll find the time to catch up on them soon and review the chapters you've missed as I definitely can't wait to find out what you think of what's been happening in them! Thanks heaps for all your lovely comments!

Funkyshaz - Bittersweet indeed - no drama involved here just an emotional rollercoaster ride! Maybe not a happy ending for the fic but maybe one day down the line CJ could end up getting a happy ending... Glad to know your still reading HNA! I do miss your reviews and would love to know what you think of all the drama that's been happening lately!

Jensy - Hooked already - good stuff! I was aiming for a very different CJ story and this one kind of came to me so I hope you enjoy it!

Shopgirl - After all the crap H&A keep dealing us with it is good to see other ways these characters can come together and I'm glad you like this version! And as Charlie explains here what happened in the year 2011...it wouldn't surprise me at all if this is what H&A will offer us...but we all know how 'perfect' their 'golden couple' really are so enter Joey a few years later and see what happens!

Here's Charlie's POV of how the last eight years have turned out for her - ramblings from a woman who's made a few mistakes in her life...

**Chapter Two**

_September - 2019_

_Charlie's POV_

_I watch as Joey stretches a little. She doesn't wake up but her nose twitches in this adorable way and her lips part open slightly._

_I know she'll be waking up soon. Joey normally makes these small gestures before her eyes flutter open and she takes in our surroundings. _

_How is it that I know exactly when she'll be waking up by watching her sleep?_

_Because she always falls asleep at this point. I know she doesn't want to and promises me she won't waste our time together doing something so meaningless like sleeping._

_But after spending nearly two days making love to one another passionately and lovingly...one can't blame Joey for catching up on some sleep...knowing that soon we'll have to part ways..._

_I wonder why I never fall asleep like Joey does. Is it because there's too many thoughts running through my mind or is it because I'd give anything to be lying here next to her beautiful body just watching her day after day...while I wonder how long we can keep having our affair?_

_Am I getting too far ahead of myself here or would you like me to tell you how Joey and I ended up here?_

_Well if you chose the latter...here goes...I've been having an affair with my soul mate for over seven years..._

_You're probably judging me...I would too if I was you..._

_If you're not then you will be in about 5 seconds...I'm married to Angelo Rosetta and have an eight year old daughter with him._

_So why am I lying in a hotel room bed with another woman?_

_There's no simple answer. I can tell you that I'm not happy in my marriage the way I should be, that I don't love Angelo the way I love Joey and that there isn't a day that goes past that I wish I could change things from the way they are..._

_But those aren't good enough reasons as to why I leave the family that love me every year to spend two whole days in the arms of my ex-girlfriend._

_So why do I do it?_

_I've asked myself the same question every day since Joey came back into my life and the only thing I can tell you is that...I'm selfish...to have a family of my own...and yet that's not enough for me...so I leave them to be with the woman...I wish was mine._

_Since Joey's asleep why don't I tell you about how we ended up here in one another's arms?_

_Seven years ago my life was...not how I expected it to turn out..._

_In early 2011 I accidentally fell pregnant to my boyfriend Angelo. Don't get me wrong I'm so happy that I did and I have my beautiful daughter in my life but at the time...it wasn't something I was happy about._

_Angelo and I had been together for well over a year and we had just moved in together. It wasn't the most perfect relationship. Angelo's always been there for me and I think deep down a part of me does love him...but not the way I'm in love with Joey. _

_Angelo's always going to be second in my heart...he doesn't know that of course...he thinks I'm his and that I belong to him because of the wedding ring on my finger._

_That's the way he always treats me...like I'm nothing more than a possession that belongs to him. I think it's my fault...I let him treat me that way right from the beginning of our relationship...where he manipulated me into forgiving him for all his mistakes, forcing me to tell him that I love him when deep down I always knew I didn't and I'm sure I don't need to tell you about the time that Angelo manipulated me again into moving in with him after being 'tempted' by Shandi..._

_After dealing with the way Angelo treated me when we first lived together I finally began to realize just how much control he had over my life...every decision I made wasn't made by me at all because he had such power over me that I felt like I couldn't stand on my own two feet without him around._

_I saw what it was doing to me and that while I was still in a relationship with a man like that I was never going to have the life I deserve._

_And just when I garnered the courage to leave him and ask my eldest daughter Ruby to come with me...I found out I was pregnant with his child._

_I had to tell him that I was carrying his child...controlling boyfriend or not...he had a right to know...and I had slipped back into my bad habits of believing I couldn't survive on my own...the idea of doing that with a child on the way...scared the hell out of me._

_I struggled with the idea of carrying the baby to term after the trauma I had endured while giving birth to Ruby._

_But Angelo insisted that I couldn't 'kill' our baby...and what he wants...he gets..._

_I married Angelo out of obligation. The moment I decided to have the baby I realized any life I could've had without him wasn't going to happen in my future._

_Angelo's family were surprisingly persistent that we got married before I gave birth to our child. So I married him._

_A small wedding with only close family and friends at his restaurant, Angelo's. Just enough people to witness our day together but not enough to see how truly devastated I was to commit my life to a man I never truly loved with all my heart._

_A few months later I gave birth to our daughter while he was too busy at his restaurant to bother to answer the fifty or so calls Ruby and I made to him._

_Ruby was there for me in the delivery room taking over Angelo's role since he never showed. _

_The next morning he showed up at the hospital with a big bunch of flowers and a hug for his new baby girl. It actually occurred to him that morning that I didn't come home that night and the suitcase and stuff I had in preparation for going into hospital to give birth were gone...that's the kind of guy he is...possessive yet he never really notices me..._

_Our daughter's name is Joanna Buckton._

_I know...that name kinda sounds familiar doesn't it?_

_Well safe to say though I agreed to marry Angelo the one thing I was dead set against was changing my name to Rosetta. I never wanted to be a Rosetta...a Collins maybe...but I refused to let my daughter carry his name either._

_So baby Jo got to carry on her mother's name._

_And in case you didn't notice I named my daughter after the woman who stole my heart four years prior. Well kind of...Joey...the woman lying in my arms is really Josephine...Joey for short. I toyed with naming my daughter directly after her but I thought that would just be too weird._

_Is it too weird that I named my daughter Joanna so I could call her Jo in the memory of my ex-girlfriend?_

_That's weird right...but Joey Buckton always felt so right to me...even when we first got together I imagined marrying Joey and letting her take my name...so Jo Buckton sounded just as right. Of course at the time I never thought for a second that Joey would ever be a part of my life again...so I didn't think naming my daughter after her would be as strange as it sounds..._

_When I'm alone with my daughter I sometimes refer to Jo as My Joey. It seems right somehow...and despite who her father is...she's a perfect angel and I think she takes after the real Joey...even though Jo's never met her._

_Of course Angelo doesn't realize that's why I named our daughter Joanna. I haven't mentioned Joey to him in years...he's probably forgotten she exists...if only he knew where I am right now and what I've been doing for the past two days..._

_Perhaps he's just better off not knowing...believing he and I share the perfect loving marriage...and not the marriage I feel suffocated in that I have an affair with my ex-girlfriend every single year for two days..._

_I should explain that part shouldn't I?_

_Well it began on the first weekend in September 2013. My baby girl Jo was two years old and I was struggling not to leave my husband because every day I wanted to take back my decision to marry him...knowing the kind of man he was when we were dating...knowing the control he had over me..._

_I left them. Not 'left them' left them but I took off up the coast in my car one afternoon for some time to think about what it would do to my family if I took my daughter with me and moved out of the home I shared with my husband. I wondered where my life could go without being the dutiful wife to a man I don't love._

_There were so many things I imagined could happen and before I knew it the whole day had ended and it was too late to drive home. So without calling my family to let them know I wouldn't be home that night I checked into a hotel. And low and behold who should I bump into at the hotel's bar when I went to have a few drinks and drown my sorrows - Joey!_

_Joey was working at the hotel's bar as a bartender and I managed to get her to finish her shift early so we could talk. It didn't take as much convincing as I thought it would as it was Joey's last shift at the bar and she didn't care for leaving early. We went up to my hotel room and uncomfortably sat next to each other on the bed._

_And we talked. For hours. I don't know how long it was but it felt like it was all night. We talked about everything. I told her the truth about what my life had been like in the past four years since she'd left and never returned to the Bay like she promised. I told her about Ruby being my daughter, about marrying a man I didn't love completely and struggling to raise our daughter with him. _

_And Joey told me about her life. She'd never had any serious relationships since she left me. She'd dated several women casually but she'd been too afraid of getting hurt again. The guilt I felt from that...it tore me up. She'd been in and out of work on trawler boats the entire time. She'd been working away for many months at a time and in between breaks on land she worked at bars and pubs as a bartender to pass the time 'til her next trip away. And she was leaving again..._

_The next day she was leaving for her biggest trawler adventure yet. She would be gone for months...longer than that...ten months at least. It was the kind of job she couldn't turn down as it would provide her with the kind of money that could set her up for several years without needing to go away again. And I didn't want her to go..._

_I'd just found her again and was getting to know her all over again...I wasn't happy in my marriage and the one person who I ever imagined having a future with...was slipping away._

_I begged her to stay...I begged her to come back to the Bay with me so she could give me the courage to leave my husband...I knew it was too early to beg her to give me another chance at being with her...but I knew she could make an impact on my life and get me to stand up for myself against Angelo...so I begged her to change my life..._

_And she did...with a kiss..._

_A kiss that changed my life...and led me down the path of cheating on my husband...something I don't regret for a moment..._

_I tried to stop the kiss from developing and going any further...so did Joey...we both sat there our lips millimetres apart whispering to one another about the mistake we were about to make...trying to convince each other that being together wasn't the right thing for either of us...because we didn't belong together..._

_And I saw the look in her eyes...I probably matched the same look with my eyes...I saw the way she still felt about me...no matter how badly I hurt her...how badly I'd messed up my life since the day I lost her...she still loved me..._

_She still loved me just as much as I loved her...so I made a choice...that would change my life...and destroy my family if they ever found out...I pressed my lips against Joey's and laid her down on the bed. _

_Joey and I made love to one another right there. It was passionate, loving and perfect. It was everything that being with Angelo wasn't. It was better than I remembered it to be when we were together the first time. And I never wanted it to end._

_We made love to one another all night long. I revelled in the feeling of Joey's body against mine. Holding her in my arms as I kissed her softly and slipped deep inside her. I felt whole again for the first time since I'd gotten together with Angelo. He never makes me feel the way Joey did. Sex with my husband is just that - sex. It's always about him and his needs. Never mine. Sums up our whole marriage and the way he treats me. But that night Joey made me feel completely loved and she made sure that she put my needs first. _

_Our bodies were entangled for hours as we made love to one another. Never wanting to let each other go. We whispered to one another and professed our love for one another over and over again. It was the best night of my life..._

_And then I woke up the next morning...alone..._

_We'd spent the whole night enjoying the feeling of each other's bodies and reclaiming the love that we'd lost four years ago...but it wasn't enough...I hadn't been able to convince Joey to stay with me. _

_I couldn't blame her...I have a husband and a daughter...well two daughters including Ruby and you can imagine Joey's surprise when I'd told her that...I'm not the kind of woman that Joey could possibly want a future with right? _

_We'd had one perfect night together but how could that ever be enough for either of us to try and make a relationship between us work? _

_Joey lives a life on the run so to speak. Never stays in a town for more than a month, always on extended trawler jobs to escape the pain of getting close to anyone and never wanting more than a casual relationship with the women she does meet._

_And me...? I'm married and have a family of my own. I'm struggling to keep my marriage together as the feelings of regret for marrying a man I don't love but that's no excuse to cheat...to spend an entire night embraced in the arms of my ex-girlfriend right? How could I even think that what I'd done could be the beginning of a lifetime of happiness with the woman I love? _

_How could Joey ever be convinced that she could be a part of my life again? I have a husband and a young daughter that need me...I can't be expected to just up and leave them could I? I'd already done enough to hurt them by spending the night in the arms of my former lover...they may not have known it...but I did. I might be the selfish kind of woman to cheat on her husband...but I still struggled with the guilt it caused me. I might not have the perfect marriage but I had still vowed to be faithful to Angelo._

_I could never expect Joey to want to be with me...to be the kind of person to come between a marriage. We might've both made the decision to sleep together...Joey isn't the one to blame for me cheating on Angelo. _

_And despite Joey leaving me to wake up alone...I knew how much she loved me...she loved me enough to know that I couldn't choose._

_I couldn't make the life changing decision between going back to the family that loved me or leaving them for the woman I was still desperately in love with...and Joey loved me enough not to cause me that kind of pain._

_Or maybe she loved me enough to know she didn't want to leave me entirely...she knew I needed saving from my marriage...and she was the only one who could save me._

_Joey had left me a note on her pillow. I hesitated opening it...I wasn't sure I could take the pain of her telling me that she couldn't be here for me when I woke up...that she had left on her long haul trawler job instead of trying to help me decide...if I could leave my husband...and have a future with her._

_But I had to read it...in the hopes of finding out what our night together meant to Joey._

_That wasn't what Joey had written about._

_Instead it was a simple request – 'Meet me here in this hotel room the first weekend of September next year.' _

_At first I was confused. I didn't understand Joey's message. After a night of passion that wasn't enough to convince Joey to stay with me why would she want me to meet her next year presumably when she returned from her long-haul trawler job?_

_I spent the next year wondering why Joey asked me to do that. I returned back to the Bay to my husband. Without the courage to do the right thing and leave him I returned to the life I didn't want to be living. Every day I felt guilty for cheating on Angelo. Every time I looked at my beautiful baby girl I wondered what her life would be like if I ended my marriage with her father. Could I really be the kind of person to put my needs in front of hers?_

_I guess in the end I am that kind of person...the kind of selfish person who would leave her family to betray them._

_Because after a year of pretending that I hadn't betrayed my family...I had to know what that night had meant to Joey. I had to see if she would even turn up and be there._

_So I made my excuses to my family about needing to take a break from the stresses of my job as a Sergeant at the police station and being the 'perfect' wife and mother. I left them and drove up the coast for several hours towards the same hotel I had stayed at that night a year ago. I'd already called the hotel and booked the room for the entire weekend. Though it was a strange request I specifically asked for the same hotel room we had stayed in that night. It was the only place I imagined Joey meeting me._

_I went up to the hotel room and I sat on the bed as I waited to see if Joey would show up._

_I used the time to question why I'd left my family all over again to see the woman I truly loved. I wondered what I would say to Joey if she did show up. Would we just talk? Would we agree that our night together last year was a mistake we couldn't make again? Or would I betray my family all over again to be with the woman I loved?_

_Then there was a knock on the hotel room door. I rushed to open the door and there she was standing before me. Looking as beautiful and amazing as ever. Her hair was shorter than the previous year at shoulder length but she looked the same. I couldn't breathe...Joey literally takes my breath away. And before I could stop myself I reached forwards and took Joey in my arms._

_I kissed her wildly and pulled her into the hotel room._

_All thoughts of the family that I truly do love…on some level just not the way I'm supposed to with a husband I don't love with all my heart…were erased the moment I laid eyes on Joey. All the feelings of regret for betraying my family the previous year and the ones I worried I would have for meeting her in secret fell away the moment our lips met._

_I don't think Joey was prepared for the embrace I pulled her into. She probably thought I wouldn't turn up at all because I wouldn't want to see her again or that I was only there to talk to her and tell her what a mistake it was that I'd made the previous year with her and couldn't do again…that she wasn't worth leaving my family for._

_We wrapped our arms around each other and we kissed passionately as I pulled her into the hotel room. I pressed her up against the closed door and felt Joey tangle her hands in my hair. I shifted my lips down her jaw line then to her neck, whispering how much I'd missed her. _

_Joey gestured at me to look at her and I pressed my forehead against hers. We stood there together catching our breath until she confessed that she loved me but knew she couldn't be with me…she knew that I couldn't leave my family to be with her despite knowing the kind of relationship I had with my husband… Although she couldn't bear the thought of never being with me again…she whispered to me as I held her that she knew she had to let me go...and she'd come here to tell me that._

_I knew I was losing her all over again. I couldn't bear it…the thought of Angelo being the reason that I would lose the love of my life and had to continue the life of an unhappy marriage…I held her tighter and promised her that I'd always love her…that she was the one I imagined being with in my future...that she makes me forget the life I'm living...which is something we both needed to survive the lives we lead._

_I kissed her again and Joey willingly fell into the embrace as she entangled her tongue against mine._

_We continued kissing gently...knowing neither of us wanted to stop._

_We soon fell into bed again and made love to one another through the night. It was everything I had needed after waiting another year to see the woman I loved._

_As we grew tired the next morning I held Joey in my arms as we rested softly against each other and we talked._

_We talked about our lives over the past year. I told her that things with my husband were still the same. Angelo is a controlling husband who I don't truly love despite his constant 'devotion' to me. I admitted to not feeling very much guilt from cheating on him the previous year…I should feel like a horrible person for what I did…but I don't. I told her for the sake of my daughter I didn't want to confess my betrayal to him…I felt weak for not being strong enough to tell him…but I was too afraid of ending up alone._

_I wanted to beg Joey for another chance together…that if she asked me to I'd leave Angelo and we could make a fresh start as a couple. I knew I'd still be ripping apart my family but I knew deep down my daughter could be better off with a person like Joey in her life over Angelo…then I realized I'd be putting too much pressure on Joey._

_Was she even ready to give me another chance after I betrayed her when we were a couple? Did it 'cause her too much pain knowing that when she left I started a whole new life with a family? Was Joey even ready for the fallout of my marriage ending? Was I? _

_Not to mention…I couldn't just ask her to take care of me and my daughter. I loved Joey but I couldn't ask her to be ready for all that…I'm the selfish one who betrays my family…could I be more selfish and ask Joey to save me from them?_

_I never asked her what she would do if I told her I wanted to be with her and if she was prepared to give me another chance I would leave my husband for her…I wished I had...'cause just as I found the courage to ask her if we could ever have a future together...beyond having a secret affair...Joey shattered my heart into a million pieces..._

_Joey was dealing with the same 'guilt' I was experiencing for our betrayal...I wasn't the only one in a relationship...she was seeing someone new..._

_I felt like that was it...we'd never have a chance together...Joey had been too afraid to get into a serious relationship the year before because of how much I'd hurt her when I cheated on her...and now here she was lying in my arms again...but she belonged to someone else._

_Somebody else who Joey described as an amazing girl who had captured her eye whilst they worked together on the trawler for the past year. They'd spent many months getting to know each other before embarking on a serious relationship._

_It broke my heart completely that she could possibly be in love with someone else...but how can I tell her that when I'm supposed to be in love with someone else?_

_I didn't know whether to feel worse or better that I wasn't the only one cheating on their partner...worse it definitely makes me feel worse._

_Maybe I'm not the only one who's been selfish enough to betray the person that loves them but Joey isn't that kind of person...I am. And now I feel like I damaged her to make her do such a thing...I feel like it's my fault. Then I remember we're both lying here...I didn't even know there was someone in Joey's life when we...not that that's an excuse..._

_I'm lying here wondering why would Joey would cheat on her girlfriend...she hasn't said anything bad against the woman...I know deep down a part of Joey still loves me...but I'd never have thought Joey was willing to cheat on anyone...she doesn't have it in her to...I guess maybe she does..._

_God how could this happen?_

_How can I be so in love with the women in my arms but deal with the fact we can never have a real future together? Joey deserves better than me...she deserves someone who would never treat her the way I have..._

_I have to let her go even though it breaks my heart..._

_But I haven't...as I stare at her sleeping body six years later recalling this affair we've been having for the past seven years...and I wonder if I ever will let her go..._

_I don't think I can. I reach out and stroke her cheek softly...still wondering how we got here..._

_For the past seven years we've been having an affair with one another...every year we do this...on the first weekend of September...we make excuses to our 'loved' ones and we meet here at this hotel. _

_We spend two long nights...48 hours...wrapped in one another's arms...making love to one another like we're the only two people in the world...like we're truly made to be with each other..._

_Then we let each other go and we go back to the lives we live...to relationships that don't fulfil us the way they should...to the people we're betraying...whilst we count down the days until we can be wrapped in one another's arms again._

_After the second time we had our affair we made a promise to meet back up the following year...the same weekend...the same hotel...the same loving arms in waiting...and then as the years have worn on we haven't needed to we make the promise...we know what we want...and we know that every year at the same time what we need is this...to be lying in each others' arms..._

_I live for these hours...days that I get to be with Joey...I think about the feeling of being with her every day of the year...my heart aches to feel her amazing body against mine...I've never thought of Angelo that way._

_I know it seems strange that we've found ourselves in this routine of having this affair with one another once a year...I wish we could be together more often...that we could meet here every month...week...everyday...but I know we'd get caught._

_Our partners would find out and our affair would be out in the open. Where would that leave us?_

_If the truth needs to come out...it needs to be on our terms...so I can prepare myself for my husband's reaction...and the consequences to my family for my betrayal. I'll have to face them one day right...one day soon?_

_I'm holding her sleeping body in my arms right now and brush my lips against the top of her head as I wish I finally had the strength to tell Joey what I need to say to her._

_That I love her completely and I want to be with her._

_That these two days we spend together isn't enough for me anymore...I want to fall asleep in her arms every night and wake up to her smiling face every morning for the rest of our lives._

_That I would tell Angelo the truth that I don't love him and that the only person my heart belongs to is Joey._

_I promised myself this was the year that I would finally tell Joey I want us to end our affair and be together for real...that I can't wait another year to be in her arms again...I even practiced the emotional speech I was going to give her on declaring my feelings for her every day I had a few moments to myself..._

_But my speech went out the window...forgotten completely...the moment I saw the engagement ring..._

_Joey's engaged...to the woman she met on her long haul trawler job...the woman she's admitted to me she's been seeing on and off for the past seven years...I guess they finally made things serious...she's getting married to her...I've lost her completely...this time next year...I'll be making love to a married woman..._

_If Joey shows up I mean...what if it all gets too much for her and she realizes that cheating on her wife isn't something she's prepared to do? How can I ask her to leave the woman who proposed to her? The questions of why Joey accepted the marriage proposal are swirling through my mind...did she agree to marry her girlfriend because she knew in her heart that I couldn't leave Angelo and break apart my family and she didn't want a future with me...beyond the affair we've been having...?_

_We haven't spoken about it...the engagement ring...she hasn't told me about it...but she knows I've seen it. How could I not? I've studied every inch of her body as I let the feelings of being with her wash over me._

_I shouldn't be jealous that she's wearing her engagement ring...I still wear my wedding ring...as a painful reminder that I'm not Joey's...no wonder she's wearing her ring...she's not mine. _

_I wonder how long our affair can continue...every year I expect my husband or daughter to notice that at the same time every year I find excuses to disappear from them...will we still be here in this room...in each others' arms next year?_

_We'll both be married to other people...will we continue our affair despite that? Will we continue our affair for the rest of our lives? One weekend of every year will we leave our lives behind to spend the time wrapped up in one another's arms?_

_Or will I finally find the courage to tell Joey that I can't keep having an affair with her...that the only thing I want in the world is to be with her...to call her my wife? For her to be a part of my family...can I find a way to convince Joey that I'm the person that she can spend her life with?_

_At this moment I watch as Joey's eyes begin to flutter open. It takes her a few seconds for her to remember where she is but then she looks up and her eyes meet mine...and I see this look of pure love in her eyes...it melts my heart._

_Soon we're tangled up in one another, our lips melding together as we slip deep inside one another...making love to one another like it could be the last time we'll ever be together...I pray that it's not...but I don't know if the next time we could be together will be next year as we continue our affair or sometime in the future as a real couple..._

_As the sun begins to set in the world outside this room I realize that our time together is about to end. We're going to go back to our separate lives...aching to be lying in one another's arms in 363 days from now. 363 days where I will pretend to be the perfect wife to a man I don't love...I will be the kind of mother who puts her family first before my needs to be with the woman I love...363 days long days where I dream about the time I get to spend with Joey...unless I find the courage to tell her that she can't marry her fiancé as I can't wait another 363 days to be with her... _

_But I know that I'm running out of time. I know that we're about to go our separate ways...Joey's going to kiss me softly, then she'll reluctantly untangle our bodies as she gets out of the bed. I'll stay lying in the bed as I watch her get changed just like I do every year trying to put off the fact that if I don't tell her what I really want then I'm going to have to go back to my life without her. As I struggle to open my mouth and beg her not to leave me, I watch as she pulls her clothes on and grabs her handbag._

_I know what happens next...just like I do every year...Joey will turn to me one last time as she looks at me with her big brown soulful eyes and she'll whisper the four words I don't want to hear as they remind me that all we have between us is a long-standing affair – 'See you next year...'_

_I don't want her to say those words...I want Joey to beg me to leave my husband so I can be with her...or give me some indication that she doesn't love her fiancé anywhere near the way she truly loves me...that we have a future together beyond this affair we've been having for the last seven years._

_This is my chance...to get in first before she reminds me that we only see each other in secret one weekend out of a year to have an affair...to tell her I can't live without her..._

_But just as I get my mouth open...I'm reminded of the vows I made to my husband that I would stay with him 'til death do us part...I might not have been faithful to him but my heart is pounding at the thought of finally breaking all the vows I made to Angelo that day and leaving him..._

_Then my heart stops as I realize once more that Joey's never once asked me to leave my husband for her...she's never tried to make our affair anything more than what it is...maybe it's in my mind that she loves me more than her fiancé...maybe she doesn't see anything more in our future then a lifetime of betraying our partners..._

_As I realize that Joey may not want to be with me...I feel the words stuck in my mouth...the ones begging Joey to give us a chance at a real relationship...and just when I decide that I'd rather risk losing her completely then never knowing if she wants to be with me...I'm about to say the words I've been wanting to for the past seven years..._

_I let Joey go first and say what she needs to...because I'm too afraid to do anything else but wait for the day Joey says she wants us to be together..._

_I wait in anticipation just hoping she doesn't say those four words...anything but 'See you next year.'_

_As Joey swallows gently before opening her mouth to say what she wants to tell me I wonder where the future lies for us..._

_Are we destined to be nothing more than two lovers having an affair for the rest of our lives?_

_Or can we finally end our affair...and find a way to enjoy a perfect life together?_

* * *

So there we have it - Charlie's married to Angelo but having an affair with Joey behind his back - who'd have thought it!

Eh who really cares for Angelo anyway?

So what do you guys think of how Charlie's life has turned out? Can you blame her for losing herself in Joey and continuing their affair over the years?

And what about Joey's POV - how and why has she ended up having an affair with Charlie after all this time?

These two certainly have their flaws and aren't perfect and yet I hope you still want them to be together...

So what will Joey tell Charlie? 'See you next year'...or confess that she wants them to end their affair and leave their partners so they can be together?

Hearts are bound to be broken no matter which it is...so will it be CJ's hearts or the hearts of their loved ones?


	3. Chapter 3

**"The Affair"**

_Hi CJers!_

_I can't thank you guys enough for your support! Everyone of you who takes the time to review - you keep me writing! And I'm so glad that you've embraced this fic despite it's 'interesting' CJ relationship. _

_JSCO - Hope this one's just as gripping!_

_MRX - Perfectly summarized! Let's hope they see that a lil pain now will end all the pain they could be in if their affair continues..._

_Tooks - Aww thanks! It's certainly a different style of writing - rambling thoughts much! - so I'm glad you love it!_

_CJ4eva - Glad you loved the back story - here's a bit more from Joey's POV! Love getting you hooked on my fics!_

_Born2Try - Hmm as long as the gentle encouragment and pleading doesn't work lol! Aww I'm sure you could write like me - just give it a try! I'll be here to give you some encouragment and pleading to keep going lol! Haha - love that you love Joanna Buckton!_

_Funkyshaz - Nicely stated! Precisely the debate I expected from this fic - CJ are so perfect together but do you still want to fight for them as a couple despite the fact their affair might not be condoned?_

_Crayongirl - Wow! Thank you so much for all your beautiful comments! It made my day! I'll be sure to keep on writing when I've got people like you encouraging me!_

_Jensy - Charlie leaving Angelo is always what we want! Sorry for the shock engagement for one Ms. Joey! A bit more on her relationship is right here!_

_Lil - Well I'm looking forward to your catch up reviews - any day now right lol! Of course you're opinion is very important to me! Yes writing in the 1st person is a new style for me so I'm glad you like how insightful it is! Again with the compliments - you totally rock for being so supportive! _

_And now for the third - and final! - chapter!_

_Let me know what you think!_

**Chapter Three**

_September - 2019_

_Joey's POV_

_My life didn't used to be complicated...it used to be easy. Okay maybe that's a lie...growing up with the family I had didn't make things easy but I dealt with it. Some people would call accepting your sexuality whilst having a homophobic family complicated. Or how about feeling like I had nowhere to go when my brother kicked me out of our house after he found out I was gay? If that's not bad enough how complicated did my life get when I met the beautiful Charlie Buckton...the woman who stole my heart then tore it to shreds?_

_As complicated as all that was...it's nothing compared to how complicated my life is right now._

_I'm lying in a hotel room bed curled up in the arms of the love of my life after spending two perfect days making love to her...but this isn't just any normal relationship...we're having an affair..._

_My head is rested against Charlie's chest and I'm comforted by the rising and falling as she breathes softly. I feel her heart beating rhythmically but I also feel like her heart is breaking with every beat. I know mine is._

_I'm lying here in her arms, our naked bodies entangled together, resting comfortably._

_Charlie thinks I'm asleep. But I'm just resting here...taking some time to think about why I'm here. It's something I do every year...lie peacefully in her arms just giving us a moment to relax from the reality of our situation. Charlie needs the time to think as well...even though I can feel that she's lying here watching me. She's always watching me...I like to think it's because she can't get enough of me...but who knows what's running through her mind...with my luck it'll be about her husband..._

_Yes the woman who I've just spent the last two days making love to is married._

_And to make things more complicated...Charlie has a daughter with him...oh and my girlfriend proposed to me last month and I'm engaged...complicated doesn't really begin to describe how my life has turned out..._

_I never imagined being a cheater. I swore I'd never hurt someone like that especially after I experienced the pain myself when Charlie cheated on me with Hugo eleven years ago. But here I am in this hotel room wrapped up in the arms of a woman who isn't my fiancé._

_But as guilty as I feel for cheating on my fiancé every year with Charlie I can't help but know that I can't end our affair._

_I feel like my entire life revolves around this time that I betray the woman I'm supposed to love for the woman I do love...with all my heart..._

_It breaks my heart to know that we probably won't ever have a proper future together...but what else did I expect when we first embarked on our affair?_

_I feel like I'm living a dream...when I'm with Charlie...holding her in my arms...making love to her passionately...I feel like it's all so surreal._

_This can't be my life right?_

_I'm not that woman who betrays my fiancé and sleeps with another woman behind her back...only I am..._

_Not at first...I was single when Charlie and I first began our affair...but I knew Charlie wasn't...she had a family who love her...and I tried to take her away from them...by giving into the feelings I still had for her...that was seven years ago...September 2013..._

_Life was a lot simpler for me then. After I'd left Summer Bay and made my decision never to return despite my promise to Charlie that I would...I worked hard on long haul trawler gigs...taking my mind off the woman who broke my heart. I went away as often as I could. The longer the time away the better. It was all so one day I'd have enough money saved away to get my own sail boat. And finally I did._

_It took a difficult ten-month long job that gave me the kind of money but I did it. That job was rough as hell. We went up and down the Eastern Coast and even headed over to New Zealand for a couple months. Every few weeks the crew would get restless and we'd dock by a coastal town for a night out on the town. The guys I worked with were amazing. I trusted them with my life which was something that has never been easy for me since...Robbo..._

_I almost didn't end up taking the job...because the night before we set sail...my affair with Charlie began..._

_In between my time away on trawlers I busied myself with short-term bartender work. And that work one day led me to serve the brunette woman who I'd been trying to pretend never stole my heart._

_It was the last thing I was expecting. I was even more surprised when I agreed to talk to her...but those eyes of hers...I could see the sincerity in them. I knew that I had to tell her that I was leaving for the job and wouldn't be back for close to a year...I thought that would be the only thing stopping us from getting back together...then when we were alone in Charlie's hotel room...she broke down and admitted she was a married woman in an unhappy marriage...and she had a two year old daughter with him..._

_I couldn't believe that the strong-willed and confidant woman I had left alone on the docks four years ago was so totally broken and married to a man who didn't treat her the way she deserved. I wanted to save her...as bad as Charlie hurt me...she deserved to be happy..._

_I could see that her relationship was causing her pain and if it wasn't for her young daughter she would've had the strength to leave him. I knew what Charlie needed was a strong voice to guide her to the courage to leave him...but then where would that have left their daughter? Yes she might've been young and grown up with her parents being separated...but that couldn't be an easy life for any kid._

_I couldn't find a way to convince Charlie to leave her daughter's father...could I live with myself if I did?_

_But that meant letting her live a life with a man she doesn't love...how could I live with myself for that?_

_Everything was so confusing for me back then...I'd been single for so long and suddenly I was in Charlie's arms. After I decided not to return to the Bay, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't get my heart broken again...so I vowed that I wouldn't get involved in another serious relationship until I was ready._

_That wasn't to say I didn't date at all. I dated a few women casually but none of them touched my heart the way Charlie did...I wouldn't allow them to._

_And then Charlie was back in my life one night before I was set to leave on my biggest adventure._

_All my feelings for her returned in a moment of weakness when Charlie was sitting there in front of me...tears in her eyes as she begged me to come back to the Bay and give her the courage to leave her husband...all I wanted was for her to beg me for another chance..._

_And before I could stop myself I pretended she was begging me to be with her and I impulsively kissed her...something I've never regretted for a moment..._

_I knew that it was wrong...Charlie was married...and despite that...she kissed me back..._

_And thus the beginning of our affair was born..._

_We made love to one another that night...all night long...it was the most amazing night of my life._

_Being able to forget our past for one whole night while I gave myself to Charlie completely was something I'll treasure forever...and regret for the rest of my life..._

_I'm the reason that Charlie's betrayed her husband...I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have the life with the woman I love._

_Regardless of how perfect it felt to be with Charlie again...feeling her lips against mine...our tongues tangled together...her hands stroking across my body as we slipped out of our clothes...the way my body quivered in as Charlie made love to me...the way her body shook in pleasure when I made love to her..._

_My whole life changed that night...I forgave Charlie for hurting me all those years ago...and allowed myself to accept I was still madly in love with her...while learning that Charlie had not gotten over me...that she still loved me despite moving on and marrying another man..._

_But that didn't mean we were ready to be together again..._

_One night of giving in to our desires...it was still the wrong thing to do. Charlie's married with a child of her own...and I'm still not ready to commit my heart to anyone...even Charlie...the woman who owns my heart anyway...that night shouldn't have happened..._

_Which is why I left the next morning without waking Charlie. I left her alone in the hotel bed...I felt so guilty like I'd used her...I hoped she'd know that the previous night meant everything to me...but I couldn't be there when she woke up...if I was...I'd never leave her..._

_And I had to leave her. I couldn't make her choose between me and the family who love her completely...the guilt I felt from being the woman she betrayed them with the previous night was too much...I couldn't be the reason that she took her daughter and left her husband...no matter how much she loved me more than him..._

_What would happen if I did beg her to leave him for me? I was still running away from everything in my life...could I really just move back to the Bay to be with the woman I love? Deal with the fallout from Charlie's marriage breakdown? _

_The way Charlie spoke of her husband...it was like the Bay thought of him as a hero...what would they think of Charlie and I if they knew we'd cheated on him before Charlie ended her marriage? It's not the kind of thing that could remain a secret in a town like that...I couldn't just come back into Charlie's life...help her re-adjust to being a single mother while we quite possibly found a way to have a relationship with each other...without everybody becoming suspicious that the moment I reappeared in Charlie's life she left her husband..._

_Not to mention I was afraid for Charlie about how her husband would react to the fact she'd betrayed him and spent the night in my arms..._

_So I did what I always do when the going gets tough...I ran...ran all the way to the trawler that was leaving so I couldn't take the time to decide if Charlie and I really had a future together..._

_But before I did I left her a note...I knew I couldn't leave her forever...I had to see her again...the idea of missing out on the best job I'd ever be offered broke my heart...when I realized that if I stayed...Charlie would probably only wake up to tell me that she couldn't leave her family for me..._

_I came up with the idea of asking Charlie to meet me in a years' time...I knew I could've just turned up in the Bay the following year...it wouldn't be too hard to track her down...but I didn't want any one finding out I was there...karma would mean I'd end up bumping into Ruby or Leah or God forbid Colleen...and I don't want any scrutiny to be placed on Charlie..._

_This random hotel room...it feels safe somehow...it's like our place...where we first reconnected our relationship._

_But as the weeks drew on and became months all I ever thought about was that one night I'd spent in Charlie's arms...and as much as I remembered what that night meant to me...I doubted more and more that it meant the same to Charlie. The reality of Charlie being a married woman was starting to hit me..._

_Surely that night didn't mean much to Charlie other than escaping the marriage she wasn't happy in...maybe deep down a part of her still loved me...I'm sure of it...I saw it in her eyes...but it wasn't like it was ever going to happen again..._

_Charlie probably went right back to her life...our night of passion forgotten...as she resumed her marriage with that idiot she married. She had every right to...I couldn't expect her to leave her husband and take their daughter away from him...not for me..._

_Over time I accepted that my one night stand with Charlie was nothing more than that...so I moved on...and found myself falling for a new girl..._

_Brooke McKenzie...the only other female worker on the trawler haul gig. We formed a close bond as good friends over the first few months on that boat. It made things easier having another woman on board with all the guys there. We shared a set of bunk beds in the smallest cabin and often found ourselves at night lying on our own beds just talking about all kinds of random things. It took me a while but I told her about Charlie...all but the truth that I'd had an affair with her the night before we'd set sail..._

_I wasn't ready for Brooke's accusation of me nearly coming between a family...so I didn't tell her about that. Besides I didn't want a relationship...or so I thought..._

_We became really good friends...it was good to have someone in my life that I could trust. But then after a few months working together I began falling for Brooke. I didn't do anything about it...I wasn't ready to. I was still confused about the night I'd shared with Charlie and whether or not Charlie had simply returned to her normal family life and the man she was married to...but I decided I deserved a chance to be happy...even if it wasn't with the woman I truly loved...so I started dating Brooke._

_It was weird at first been in a relationship for the first real time since I was dating Charlie but it was a good kind of weird because I knew I could trust Brooke. We didn't make our relationship known to any of the guys we worked with because we just wanted things to be private between us. Although things were exclusive between us neither of us were ready for a full on relationship because of both our past heartbreaks with other woman. But when the trawler job came to an end and I'd saved up enough cash for my own sail boat I invited Brooke to stay with me on my new boat._

_Although we still spent a lot of time on the sail boat it took a few weeks adjusting to being able to spend time on dry land, Brooke eventually decided to rent a small apartment in the City. Things between us were going well but we weren't ready to live together. And then suddenly I remembered that it was the first day of September...and I was due to meet Charlie in three days time..._

_I argued with myself on whether or not I should go back to that hotel...things had changed in the year away...I was enjoying the time off work and owning my own sail boat so I could get away whenever I wanted...I was happy in a relationship with a woman I trusted...and for the first time since I'd first met Charlie...I was starting to get over her..._

_At least I thought I was over her..._

_So I borrowed a friend's car and drove down the coast to the small town I'd lived in for several weeks the previous year. Told Brooke I was visiting a friend of mine who I'd kept in contact with every few months since I'd left my home town: Aden._

_After Aden had left Summer Bay with his brother to join the army he managed to track me down. We caught up two or three times when he was on leave from the army and I wasn't working away. He told me about what he'd been through with Belle and what had happened in Summer Bay after I'd left. But at that point Charlie had only begun dating Angelo and that's all he knew. Over the years we'd mainly written to one another on a regular basis which Brooke was aware of so when I needed an excuse to go away for a weekend...Aden seemed my best bet..._

_On the drive there I told myself Charlie wouldn't even turn up...that I was wasting my time...but I was desperate to find out what that night together had meant to Charlie...and kept telling myself that was all I was going to do...talk to Charlie and know for sure that there was no possible way we could have a future together so I could move on for real with the woman I was dating..._

_And then a few hours later everything had changed and I was lying in Charlie's arms having made love to her again..._

_I wasn't over her at all..._

_I'd turned up at the hotel room and knocked on the door not expecting an answer...wondering why I was there in the first place...when Charlie opened the door...our eyes met and within seconds our lips met each others..._

_It was the most surreal experience kissing her all over again as she pulled me into the hotel..._

_All thoughts of my girlfriend and the life I was happy with disappeared as we held each other and whispered how much we'd missed each other...I told her that I loved her and needed to let her go...that we couldn't let anything between us happen again...but Charlie responded by kissing me delicately and telling me that she imagined us having a real future together...then we were on the bed slipping out of our clothes..._

_I saw her wedding ring...as I pulled her shirt up and off her body...I hesitated for a moment as I tried to rationalize what I was doing...Charlie was still married...I had a girlfriend...and if I took things further this would definitely be an affair...could I live with myself?_

_Charlie saw the uncertainty in my eyes, leaning forwards she pressed her lips to my neck before kissing them softly up my jaw line and whispered in my ear that her ring didn't stop her from loving me the way she did..._

_Charlie didn't know about Brooke...she didn't know she wasn't the only one being unfaithful to their partner...but I did and I made love to her that night anyway..._

_Being with Charlie felt so right...and it made me realize that I didn't feel that way when I was with my girlfriend...all my feelings for Charlie came rushing back as we spent the night in each others' arms..._

_The next morning we laid there in each other's arms and held each other tenderly as we talked..._

_Charlie told me she was still with Angelo...she was ashamed that she didn't tell him about our night together the year before...but I told her it was the right thing...her daughter deserved to be raised by her family...both her mother and father together rather than separately...even though it was clear she still wasn't happy in her marriage..._

_I felt so confused for being the reason Charlie was betraying her family...and then the guilt that I had also betrayed the woman I was with hit me..._

_I told Charlie about Brooke...I could feel her heart breaking at the knowledge I was falling for another woman...I thought telling Charlie she wasn't the only one having an affair would help ease her guilt that she was the most horrible person in the world...until I realized I was shattering her heart with the knowledge we'll never be able to have a real future together..._

_How can we?_

_As much as I wish she would leave the man she calls her husband and do the right thing for herself...I'd hate to think of the damage it would do to her daughter growing up without her father around to raise her...Charlie can't leave him for me...as much as I could imagine having a life with Charlie and helping her to raise her daughter...could I really break apart a family to do that?_

_And as much as I hated to admit it to Charlie...I was happy with my life...with the woman I was dating...despite the guilt I felt for cheating on her with my ex-girlfriend...and I wasn't in a place in my life that I could just pick everything up and move back to Summer Bay...whether that meant a chance of being with her or not..._

_And Charlie realized she wasn't in the right place in her own life to break apart her family...not that there really is ever a right place or time for that..._

_So as any dream we'd had of being together in a real relationship faded for the time being...our lips met again...ignoring the guilt washing over us...we soon found ourselves making love to one another all over again...and again...and again...and well you get the picture...until we realized we had to return to our lives..._

_But before we left each other...we made a promise to meet up again the following year...same weekend...same hotel...same room..._

_I don't even remember who suggested that we meet up again and who accepted the offer with the faint hope of things being different the following year..._

_But it was clear that we weren't ready to let each other go completely and that faint hope was what got us through the next year..._

_Charlie drove back to Summer Bay and I drove back to the City...to the waiting arms of my girlfriend..._

_That year wasn't the best...when I returned to the Sail boat I live on...I was very distant with Brooke...and it didn't take her long to realize something had changed..._

_I don't think she ever realized that I'd spent the weekend in the arms of my ex-girlfriend but she knew I'd done something or something had happened that I couldn't tell her about...we broke up...then got back together a few weeks later...and broke up another few months down the track...before getting back together again..._

_Brooke and I haven't exactly had the most stable relationship over the years...we're constantly on and off...something always seems to 'cause problems for us...and our problems have nothing to do with the fact that I'm having an affair with Charlie..._

_It's safe to say it's not the most stable relationship in the world...we've been on and off for the past six years...not in the sense that we see other women when we're apart...with the exception of Charlie... But we can't always make things work...it's mainly to do with the fact that I still enjoy going out on month-long trawler hauls every few months and Brooke has moved on from that life and got herself a job at a Marketing company. _

_Brooke hates it that I still leave her for jobs out on the sea...God knows what she'd think if she knew every single year I left her to have an affair with Charlie...we always fight and break up before I leave for the jobs and when I get back...we end up getting back together until the next job comes up..._

_It's not fair on each other that we keep having these issues but I know Brooke really does love me. I really do love her too...a part of me does anyway...just not the part that's completely in love with Charlie..._

_The difference between Charlie and Brooke is...Brooke is everything that's Charlie's not..._

_Brooke's confidant with her sexuality...she's strong...very talkative and open about her emotions...I know I can trust her..._

_Brooke's everything that Charlie isn't...she's not my soul mate...Charlie is..._

_And despite that...the biggest difference is...I see a future with Brooke..._

_At the start of our affair I saw a future with Charlie but every year our affair continues as nothing more than that...the future with Charlie fades..._

_And for the first time in a long while things between me and Brooke have been good. It's been over a year since we had our last major break up...I still take trawler jobs but never longer than a fortnight or so...I still have my sail boat so I go out sailing on that more often when I get a craving for being out on the sea...and we brought our own apartment together four months ago..._

_Oh and we're engaged...I never thought that would ever happen. Not because I'm a terrible person who cheats on my girlfriend...fiancé...but because of all the constant breaking up and getting back together drama...I guess we're finally past that stage and things are working between us...which is why I said 'yes' when Brooke proposed to me last month..._

_It felt like the right thing to do...that marrying her and starting a real life together was the only future I could have..._

_And now here I am curled up against Charlie...and I have no idea if I made the right decision by agreeing to marry Brooke..._

_I re-considered meeting Charlie here for the first time since our affair began...the guilt of the pain I could end up causing my fiancé...it gets worse everyday...but I can't tear myself away from Charlie...I need to be with her...I love her so much..._

_Is it possible to be in love with two women at the same time?_

_I sure am...and it hurts like hell..._

_I know I have a real chance to make a future with Brooke...but I want my future to be with Charlie..._

_I want us to end this affair and have a real relationship...I can picture how hard it would be at first...telling Brooke I can't marry her because there's another woman I want to marry...moving back to Summer Bay so Charlie and I could have a real chance...the pain and anguish Angelo would feel finally knowing his wife had been having an affair with another woman...the fallout of Charlie's marriage...not to mention how all this would affect Charlie's daughter...how would you feel if you're mum turned around one day and said she was leaving your father to be with a woman?_

_It all seems too much...that going back to our lives as we know them is the easiest option...returning back here in another year for a weekend of passion fuelled love-making..._

_The other part of me is screaming at me that it isn't too much...that it would be hard at first for everyone involved...but in the end I'd be with the woman I love...everyday...every night...for the rest of our lives together...maybe we could even get married...have a child of our own to raise..._

_Who's to say Charlie even wants any of that?_

_Every year we spend a small amount of time whispering to one another about our lives and what we want...Charlie has told me that she wants to leave Angelo...that she doesn't want to be in a damaging marriage...and every year I keep hoping she'll turn up as a single woman...who's not betraying anyone by making love to me...but she never does..._

_I don't know what that means...I want her to leave him...not just because it might mean we have a chance together...but I think it'll be the right thing for Charlie...to get away from the controlling man she's married to so she can get back to being the strong-willed and confidant woman I first met..._

_Then again I just want Charlie to leave Angelo so we really could have a chance together...is that too selfish of me to expect her to make the first real move to proving that she wants a future with me?_

_I could leave my fiancé first...I could tell Brooke that I'm tired of the constant change and fighting in our relationship...that we should accept that as a sign that getting married is not how our lives should go...and that I'll never stop wanting to be with Charlie..._

_I shouldn't just wait around for Charlie to leave her husband and keep letting my relationship with Brooke continue because it's easier than facing up to my betrayal for the past seven years..._

_But I don't know if I can do that...leave Brooke just for a chance...a chance at being with Charlie..._

_I don't know what Charlie wants...if she really believes for a moment that she could be with me..._

_That we could have a relationship instead of this affair we've been having. That she wants more than just two days a year of being wrapped up in my arms...or maybe that's all she wants..._

_Two days a year to escape from her troubled marriage...is that all she's using me for?_

_Internally I'm shaking my head at that thought...I know she loves me...I see it in her eyes...feel it in her touch...the way she can also tell that I love her because of the way I let my defences down completely when the pair of us are together..._

_Does that really mean we have any chance of being together?_

_All these thoughts on whether or not Charlie wants more than an affair and if we're both ready for the fallout of beginning a relationship are too much for me right now...I know this weekend and my time with Charlie is coming to an end...God I don't want it to...I want to lie in her arms forever...feel the sound of her heart beating in her chest..._

_With these thoughts confusing me on what Charlie and I really want...I just want to lose myself in the feeling of her body against mine so I flutter my eyes open..._

_I stare up at Charlie knowing that she was watching me as I 'slept'...the look in her eyes...how could I not want to do everything possible for the pair of us to wake up in each others' arms so I can see that look in her eyes every single morning...?_

_Not wanting to get lost in my thoughts all over again...I lean up and press my lips against hers...and soon she's wrapping her arms around me protectively...tangling her tongue against mine as I glide my hand between our bodies...I slip two fingers into her folds and enjoy the sensation as I make love to the woman I love..._

_But soon our love making comes to an end...for the last time this weekend...I kiss Charlie softly as I struggle to tear myself apart from her...I have to...we can't stay here forever...as much as I want to..._

_I feel her eyes watching me as I begin slipping back into my clothes...all I want is for her to beg me to stay...beg me for a real chance at a relationship...tell me that she'd do anything for me to be in her life...to be a real part of her life...not this secret betrayal...I just want anything instead of her lying there silently just watching me leave..._

_I know Charlie won't say anything...every year I hope she does...I hope she gives me a reason to stay...but she never does..._

_I wonder if she's waiting for me to make the first move and ask her for a real chance...I wonder if she's so worried about me turning her down...that she's too scared of me telling her I don't want a future with her because it'll be the end of our affair and she'll have no other choice but to return to the man she doesn't love...maybe that's why she won't ask me for a chance...she's too scared of this affair ending and it's the only thing keeping her going..._

_I want her to take the risk if it means we have a shot...I want to take the risk too..._

_But there's something holding me back...I wish I knew what it was...I wish I could do something about it and tell Charlie the truth...that I can't wait another year to be in her arms..._

_I'm running out of time...I turn around and look at her...she looks so scared lying there in the bed...scared that maybe next year I won't turn up...that by that time I'll be married to Brooke...and realize that I can't continue this affair for the rest of my life..._

_And yet she doesn't say anything to get me to stay with her...anything to convince me that she wants more than this affair we've been having..._

_I know what happens next...Charlie won't say anything to persuade me to leave Brooke to be with her and I won't say anything to convince Charlie to leave Angelo to be with me..._

_Instead I'll just whisper 'See you next year...'_

_Nothing more than a painful reminder that there's nothing between us other than this affair that has taken over our lives..._

_I don't want to say those words...I want to be able to tell Charlie the truth...that I'd give anything to end this affair and start a life with her...to wake up with her every morning...help her adjust to a brand new life without her husband...help her raise her daughter if Charlie would let me...marry her one day the way I always dreamed...and go to sleep in her arms every night...whispering to her how much I love her for the rest of our lives..._

_Can I really tell her what's in my heart...or will I give in and say 'See you next year' praying that next year will be the year that I put my heart on the line and end this affair once and for all...?_

_And before I can stop myself I swallow gently and words are tumbling out of my mouth..._

_All I can do is wonder where this leaves us now...?_

_And I wonder if I've said the right thing...?_

_All I can do is wait in agony for any kind of response from Charlie..._

_Are we destined to be nothing more than two lovers having an affair for the rest of our lives?_

_Or can we finally end our affair...and find a way to enjoy a perfect life together?_

**The End**

**

* * *

**

_That's right - the end!_

_But how did it really end?_

_Did Joey confess her hearts' desire or did she let another year go by before she had another chance?_

_Or did Charlie stop her from leaving again with a confession from her own hearts' desire?_

_I guess you'll never know..._

_No seriously - this fic ends however you want it to end..._

_If you want them to be together and find a way to have a happy life together then they've done that..._

_If you want them to go back to their lives, break up with their partners for good before coming back the next year and starting a life together without the burden of their 'affair' then they've done that..._

_If you want them to continue their affair for the rest of their lives and never have a happy life together...I'm not sure why you're reading this fic but that's your ending for you if you want...lol!_

_It's all up to you whether you think that CJ have suffered enough from their long-standing affair and deserve the life they could have together..._

_So tell me - how do you think CJ's lives played out?_

_xox_

_Cutebabe_


End file.
